The Greatest Sin

I've always been a "good" person. I was a "good" child, a "good" teenager and a "good" adult. My parents spent exactly zero sleepless nights during my teen years and actually often suggested I should stay out with my friends later than I thought was prudent. They spent a good many sleepless nights after I left home, but that was mostly fighting off the worry that someone might do something truly awful to me, like call me names and hurt my feelings or something. I live with an eye for the future. As such, the momentary pleasures of sin typically hold little attraction in light of the life I easily see them leading to. As I already stated, I'm a "good" person.

My better half and I have spent nearly a year now reading through the Bible. The reading program we're enjoying will find us having read through the Old Testament once and the New Testament twice come the beginning of October. I'm loving the perspective and journey that comes with a broader overview and sense of context. It doesn't hurt that this particular program groups readings more or less chronologically, giving and even greater sense of flow. I'm noticing a pattern.

The nations of Judah and Israel--especially Israel--were rampant with sin. They built shrines and altars to pagan gods in the heart of the Temple. They sacrificed their children to the same gods. They cheated anyone they could, especially the poor and needy. They engaged in wanton orgies and committed every kind of detestable sin imaginable. Vegas had nothing on them. The Pharisees of Jesus' day stood in sharp contrast. Not only did they honor God's law, they built a system of laws around the law to ensure they didn't even come close. They had no tolerance for sinful acts and harshly punished anyone caught in such an abomination. They walked little old ladies across the street, they attended synagogue faithfully, they tithed AND donated to the building fund, they were, well, "good" people.

What is shocking, however, is that when the day is over and all comes to account, these two groups shared the same sin. They suffered the same malady that separated them from God and blinded their eyes to His power and beauty. What was it? Pure and simple pride. Both were entirely self-sufficient and darn proud of it. Both loved having others admire and praise them. Ouch! In the end, what impresses God is a heart in overwhelming love with Him. He longs for people who will humble themselves enough to put themselves in His complete care. Can I trust Him and His plans when they lead to obscurity and disdain? Can I trust Him to take care of my family and our future? Can I trust His leading when it doesn't look like the smartest path to take? Will I listen for the praise of Heaven above all other voices? Does anyone else relate?

Humility

Maybe you were one of those tiny girls who giggled and flitted through jr. high, loving every unstable minute of the drama that is puberty. I was not. As a child I was outgoing, happy-go-lucky and generally uninhibited. As a pre-adolescent, I was gigantic (5 foot 3 and 125 lbs is massive for an eleven year old) and clumsy. I wished I could either shine as the life of the party or fade into oblivion. I rarely enjoyed either luxury. Ages ten to fourteen were painful years I've mostly managed to block from my memory.

Why, then, am I drudging them up? This past week I had an opportunity to re-visit jr. high with the maturity (no laughing, please) and wisdom age is supposed to bring. Michael and I were able to enjoy a minister's and spouses staff retreat. It was an actual retreat with a beautiful hotel room, meals out and the chance to play with our church staff, instead of the normal working "vacation/retreats" most churches like to host :). The challenge hit when we moved into the fun activities portion of the retreat. The first activity was go carts on a slick track, which was really fun...even for an anal driver like me. After that, we headed over to a great driving range located on the edge of a man made lake. The holes were on islands adrift in the lake, which is pretty darn cool, if you ask me. I love watching the guys hit a few golf balls. The weather was beautiful, the conversation stimulating, until someone happened to remember I was there and decided we ALL needed to hit a few balls. All of the sudden I found myself in jr high again. I had never even held a stupid golf club before...unless you call a mini golf putter a club--I don't. I painfully managed to swing a few times. I missed the ball more than I hit but eventually plopped a couple in the brink about 50 yards in front of us. With great relief, I handed the club off to someone else. For the final activity of the day, we ended up in a bowling alley and the torture that is jr high continued. I had only "bowled" one game about ten years ago (it wasn't pretty). Once again, I had no idea what type of equipment to use, how to hold it, etc. Seriously people, I do know how to do some things that involve active participation. I can skate (both ice and roller), ride horses, mini-golf, ski and hike to name a few.

I definitely handled the whole situation and feelings that accompany being that awkward and obvious much better than I did when I was eleven. It's nice to know I've managed to mature some through the years. This brief relapse gave pause for introspection that evening. It all comes back to security and trust. Can I rest in God's love? Is His love good enough, or do I have to be talented, smart and witty too? It's a good lesson for me. After all, isn't trust about following Him even if you look (or feel) awkward, scared and inadequate through the process? I seemed to hear His words break through. "Do you truly love Me more than these...?"